My 15 Minute Bedroom Decision...

...one of the most relaxing ones I have ever made. 

Especially when it comes to the bedroom.

His bedroom.

In his bed. 

Even though his bed looks more like crib.

Well is a crib.

And he is the only one in it. 

When I started my new job with Roo one thing I really wanted to establish quickly was a good nap routine; which in return will hopefully help him establish good night time sleep for his parents. The first couple days I eased into it. Rocking him to almost sleep, going in a few times as he cried and fought sleep - to sooth him. Basically just letting him get used to me and our new routine (that is what I was telling myself anyways). 

Week 1 went great and I realized that Roo is a dynamite sleeper, like he absolutely loves his sleep. Like any baby he fought going to sleep with every fiber in him at first but once sleep consumed him he slept wonderfully! But somewhere in the middle of week 2 he started crying longer and harder before falling asleep. My little 5 month old started the game and I quickly needed to end it.

You all know the game, we have all done it once or twice in our life.

 Put baby down.

Baby spits out pacifier and starts crying.

We go in, put pacifier back in, and sing one more song.

Baby spits it out again and cries harder, this time we sooth baby - might even pick him up.

Then by some miracle we find the magic sleep spot, slowly, ever so gently put baby back in his crib, attempting to angle it just right so we can lay him down, while holding the pacifier still in his mouth, and hold our breathe in hopes he doesn't re-wake up. 

After 2 days of this game I needed it to stop. It wasn't healthy for Roo nor good for my sanity. Commence operation sleep training. I spent week 1 on the job rereading sections of a few sleep books* that I found helpful and focused on the sleep goals & habits pertaining to Roo's age group. The first day of training was a little rough. I remember tracking that he talked to himself for 15 minutes, fussed for 10 and cried for 5. Each nap that day he went down quicker and more quietly. 

Day 2 - morning nap he seemed to realize I wasn't coming in anymore and fought it pretty hard. This is when I found discovered my bedroom life saver  - the timer on my phone. Part of my hesitancy was I would hear Roo cry for a minute and start to question if I should try to re-sooth him or put his pacifier back in. My hesitancy and inconsistency during nap times for week 1 was causing a habit to form in which it told Roo that I would sooth him to sleep. 

Once I found my timer I started setting it for 15 minutes. 15 minutes of babbling, talking, or crying was not going to harm Roo in anyway, shape, or form. With video monitor in one hand and timer in the other I waited. 12 minutes after I sang Roo a song and laid him in his crib he was asleep. The few minutes before he zonked out were when he cried the hardest, but by this point he was already 1/2 asleep. If I had gone in there to sooth him it would have re-woken him up. 

Day 2 with timer again - 3 naps with timer set, each time he has fallen asleep before the 15 minute timer has gone off. I am now starting week 3 of setting a timer when I lay Roo down. Some days I turn the volume off if he is crying harder then others (I can still hear him muted through the ceiling and watch him on video). Other days he is out cold before 2 minutes goes by. Only once in the past 3 weeks has he fought sleep more then 15 minutes - and the grand total for that day was 20 minutes. He was extremely overtired by the time I laid him down that day. 

I share this with because it worked for Roo and me, not because it was a miracle drug or guaranteed to work in every situation. I believe works so well is that it allows me sometime to calm down and not feel the need to rush in to help him. It keeps me from feeling like a bad nanny who is letting her nanny-kid cry it out. Having a timer also allows Roo the freedom to figure out how to sooth himself to sleep so when he wakes 30 minutes into a nap he doesn't need me or a pacifier to sooth him back to sleep. It gives him the freedom to learn to sleep well and me the freedom to decide, after observing him, what he needs most after 15 minutes, me or more time to try to fall asleep.

If your nanny-kid is struggling to fall asleep for naps or in the middle of the night give a timer a shot. It may work or it may not. Either way it will help your sanity. It will give you 15 minutes to figure out what the baby needs instead of rushing into a room not fully paying attention to the fact that the baby may still be asleep while he is crying. 

*Side note: the older the child the harder it is to sleep train and the longer you may need to set a timer. Check out "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, MD and "BabyWise" by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. I use a combination of these two practices for my sleep training foundations. 

ceconner© 8.31.2015

 

Me and My Real Job

Today started out like any other Tuesday morning, got up at 6:30am, on the road by 7:00am, chuckled at the man behind me shaving in his car as we inched onto the thruway. I arrive a few minutes early and walked in the door of my work place. I may not have a normal desk or cubical walls and my co-workers look a lot more like two 4-legged, wagging tail animals (because they are dogs) then zombie overtired people. Most mornings I am greeted with a welcoming hello from two loving parents and an adorable giggling baby boy, Roo.

But here I am at work.

At my real Job.

I am a Nanny.

Being a Nanny I have come in contact with a lot of assumptions about my job, a lot of people who have no clue what I do, people who admire what I do, and people who totally dis-credit what I do.This last one I can usually ignore but today is not one of those days I can ignore it. After putting Roo down for his nap I popped on Twitter for a quick peek and sadly came across this post:

Now I am not going to bash Ryan - because I don't know him. I don't even follow him on Twitter and honestly I can't stand when people use social media to say really dumb things that hurt and shame other people.

However, I am going to use this tweet as proof that there is complete ignorance in our society about my profession. Ryan's two big miss-assumptions are that all nannies are college students trying to pay their way through school and that being a nanny is not "a real job". Ryan has yet to state what qualifies as a real job. Honestly I don't really care what Ryan thinks, I don't know him, I will most likely never meet him, and the reality is he is a college student trying to get followers - to become famous so he can be president in 2036. He probably just wanted to post something "funny" and controversial to get a rise out of one of his friends. I am not worried about this guy, nor will I think much about him once I post this blog because he is doing what the average college male does for s**** and giggles. He even tweeted "this tweet was supposed to be a joke" - I don't know him, so I believe him, poor guy just pissed off a whole group of nannies for one poorly tweeted joke.

Still I do care about the mind-set that is behind this tweet and can't let it go. The thought behind this not so thoughtful tweet is 'that being a nanny isn't a legitimate profession, that there is something short term or undignified in taking care of someone's children.' Along with this goes the thought that all a nanny does a is lay around in their pajamas, watch Netflix when the kids nap, and lounge in the sun while the kids are at the park. Will you allow me to debunk some of these false assumptions?

All Nannies are Not College Students:
Some nannies start off being a nanny to pay their way through college, but a lot of them end up making a career out of it.Why? Because being a nanny can often show more promise in long term benefits (yes I mean healthcare, PTO, etc.) then whatever field that were studying in school. Other nannies find out that they really enjoy being with kids on a smaller scale rather than in a classroom. While some nannies find it the best way to stay at home with their children while helping a working mom out with childcare. I am 27 year old woman who didn't find my nanny career path until I was 24. I could point out hundreds of nannies well into their 20's & 30's who had made a GREAT career out of being a nanny. So when comments are made like this one, it implies that the 40 year old nanny playing tag with her nanny-kids at the park is doing a job she should have left after college, I get frustrated.

Being a Nanny Has it's Perks:
I will be the first on to admit that I LOVE the perks that come with my job as a nanny. Most of us don't have a uniform, we can dress comfortably each day - no business attire required. We get to fully enjoy each new season because our work can take us outdoors whenever the kids want. Each family and each nanny-job is slightly different in the perks that come with it. My last job I was a live-in so I was able to go to work in my pajamas and get dressed after starting the work day. My current job has one less child who is an incredible napper so I have more free hours to blog, write, or read during his nap times. Some nannies get to go on exotic vacations with their nanny-families, others get free health care, sick time, guaranteed hours, vacation time, over time, a nanny-car, or other benefits that pertain to their particular family. Those benefits should sound familiar to you, they come from the corporate world - paid holidays, PTO, company car, benefit packages, 401K? All jobs have their perks. By definition a nanny who has a paid position at a regular place of employment has a real job.

It's Physically Challenging:
Amidst all of the joys and perks that come with being a nanny there are challenges; not surprisingly since all careers and jobs have their down sides. Our challenges tend to come in pint size forms with wonderful bundles of joy that don't know how to fully communicate. Whether it is the 5 month old who is trying to fight off the much needed nap, the 3 year old who wants the green tractor not the red fire truck, or the mouthy teenager who wont respect the house rules - these little munchkins can turn on a dime. I, now, fondly remember the time in my past job when both Bear and Bug didn't want to leave the park. It was lunch time so they were hungry, slightly tired, and CRANKY - picking up both boys, our backpack, and their water bottles I carried two screaming kicking toddlers to the car. I used to end days after working with two toddlers by collapsing on my bed and enjoying the 5 minutes of silence until dinner. Tired. Beat. Usually puked or pooped on and so grateful for my job.

It's Emotionally Draining:
In one comment Ryan makes to me he states "stay at home mom's usually don't typically hire nannys. Because they are at home. Raising their children". I am not going to get into the working mom verses stay at home mom side of this, each parent and family has to decide what is best for them. What I am going to say is that I don't decide if a family decides to use a nanny or not. What I do decide is how I can help raise the next generation into kind, caring, and functioning members of society. I go into all the details of why I became a nanny here, but the brief version is I saw families struggling to make ends meet and provide quality child-care for their kids.

The decision to work alongside dual working families is one of the best decisions I have made, but also one of the emotionally hardest decisions I have made. To provide the best care I can for children I get emotionally attached to them, I love them. I care for each charge as if their were my own kid, knowing full well they aren't, that I don't have the final say in some of the bigger decisions in their lives. I work in a field where I would guess the average nanny-family relationship last about 3 years. Nannies spend years pouring love, life, energy, and encouragement into their charges and in the end have to walk away. 

Nannies also walk the fine line of being apart of a family and child's life providing daily needs and support in all areas of that child, while respecting their role as nanny and the parent's role as parent. Often times even in the best circumstances nannies and parents don't always see eye to eye on what is the best thing for the child. The nanny has to bite her tongue and do what the parents want even if she doesn't agree. It is hard to walk this line and balance in an environment that often is not conducive to yes or no answers.

Rule of Thumb - Being a Nanny Gets Harder:
This is a total generalization, but often the longer a nanny stays with a family the harder their job gets. A nanny often starts off with a family while the child is still an infant, meaning the basic tasks are feeding, changing, and sleep training of some sort. As the infant grows into a toddler the tasks become harder - potty training, teaching letters, words, manors, providing nutritious and balanced meals, most of which the toddler does their best to combat and oppose. As toddler becomes pre-schooler now add homework, pre-school drop offs, alongside of all the previously mentioned tasks. Being a nanny is rewarding but when it comes to daily tasks is rarely gets easier and most often gets more challenging. 

It's Is (in my Opinion) the Best Job Ever:
When I first moved out to Washington I left a career at a radio station, one that gave me raises every year, vacation time, the whole benefits package. I left behind wonderful co-workers, better friends and all my family to come out here for a nanny job. After a few weeks people asked me if I was missing my job back in NY my response was a derivative of "honestly no, even on my bad days I love having 2 bosses that need my help with deadlines that come in the form of naps and feedings instead of 5 bosses vying for their deadlines to be accomplished first". Sure there are things I miss about the corporate world; things like lunch breaks, actual conversations, and not smelling like a diaper factory at the end of the day. Yet when I think about how every day I get to wake up, hang out with, play with, and help shape Roo into the man that he will one day become I can't think of anything else I would rather do.

So please understand, Ryan or whoever else might say these things in jest, that when you make comments implying that being a nanny is not a real job you make it harder for us nannies to gain our footing in the professional field. As already one of the lowest paid industries we need all the support we can get. We need our profession to be taken seriously not just so we can support ourselves financially, but so that we can help raise and love on the next generation while their parents are at their real jobs to support the needs and dreams that these children are going to grow up to have.  So as a community of nannies back-lashes at you on twitter I hope you understand it is because you (probably in innocence and jest) degraded and devalued something that many of us have been fighting really hard to place value and professionalism on.



ceconner© 8.25.2015

The Best Decision I Ever Made...

...Before Taking a New Job!

Back in January, before I knew that I would be in search of a new job, my nannyfamily gave me the the month off in July so I could go back to NY to visit my family and friends. As the time grew closer I was on the fence about going to NY or taking the time to travel the west coast, but finally I decided that spending time with family was more important. As it ended up working out my last day of work with this nannyfamily would be the end of June. With my plans already made by that point I realized that July was going to bring me a month off with no work and a trip with nothing but relaxing on the docket.

Found this on the wall of Anderson's,
on of my all time favorite places to eat.

At first I was slightly worried about affording the time off. I had saved a bit of money but 5 weeks without a paycheck and no job yet lined up was kind of scary. A week before I left for my trip my mom ran into the owner of a pizza place I worked at in college, he told her if I needed a job for a few weeks to give him a call. So I did. It would be fun to have a little something to keep me busy a few shifts a week and make some extra cash. 

 The day of my flight arrived, I hopped on the plane with way too many overstuffed bags and an excitement for a month with no kids. It wasn't until I was sitting in my seat as the plane was taking off that I realized this was my first true vacation in 2 years. Don't get me wrong I have had time off and have traveled more times than I wish to count back to NY since moving but most of my trips back were packed with weddings, bridal showers, people to see, and things to do. I sat there relishing in the fact I had FIVE WEEKS to do whatever I wanted. 

As I look back of my "sabbatical" I have a hard time putting into words exactly how wonderful it was. July started off with a camping trip, re-uniting with friends and my first nannyfamily at a 3-Day country concert weekend. Between the concerts, the campfire, late night games, and a whole lot of laughter I couldn't have asked for a better time.

Niagara Falls 2015

Straight from there I headed out to a youth camp called SuperSumerNY (SSNY). I want to take a second delve into SSNY - what is it? It is a week long Christian* leadership camp for students 6th - 12th grade. Over my life I have attended a lot of camps and worked at even more. SSNY was by far the most spiritually impactful camp I have ever been involved in. As a leader I think I may have taken away more in that one week than I have in church the last 2 years. I can't say enough about my time there. If you have a student in middle or high school click this link to learn more about SSNY!

What is Niagara Falls without a Selfie?

After a week at SSNY headed to my parent's home for the rest of my sabbatical. For the next four weeks I did (or didn't do) whatever I wanted. I visited with friends and caught up on some much needed best friend time. My Dad took my out for several motorcycle rides where I fell back in love with the vast country and farm land. If you think NY is all cities go explore the the rest of the state. There were days hanging out with my sister and nieces, a quick trip from my brother and his family, and a last minute wedding with my other brother. My mom and I spent hours having 2 years worth of heart to hearts that just don't feel the same over the phone. The first night back at work at the pizza shop I realized just how "old" I was. For the first time in my life I truly felt out of place because of my age. But as time went on I began to enjoy getting to know my co-workers and even had a couple chances to be reminded that if nannying ever goes south I really do enjoy waitressing.

The rest of my time was spent reading my stand-by book series "Love Comes Softly", finally watching "Friends", and starting to re-watch "Army Wives". Above all I was letting my guard down and really relaxing. So much so that my body decided it needed to be sick twice in three weeks.

My last day in Buffalo my Mom and I went down to the river for a walk. The water was crystal clear blue, the grass was green, the trees in full bloom, and it was peaceful. I was at peace. I was ready to return to the rat-race of city life, to a new job which I was fully excited about, and to my home. More than anything I was grateful! Grateful for this time to decompress from the busy life of the past 2 years. Grateful for rekindled friendships with people that just know me. Grateful to know that whenever my time is up here in Seattle I would be okay, that there are friends and family, that love me and want me to come back to the rolling hills of NY.

One of the best parts of the trip, a long walk on the water with my Mom.

Until that time, I am happy.
Happy to be sitting at the kitchen counter with a cup of hot chocolate, a sleep machine murmuring in the baby monitor, and a job that is beyond delightful. I will ever be thankful for the ability to make the best decision of my nanny career yet - taking time off between jobs. This time allowed me a break between jobs to be refreshed and energized for the next family. I started work Monday morning ready and emotionally equipped for this new season. 
 

ceconner© 8.13.2015

*Editor Note: I try to keep my relationship with Christ off of this blog because this blog is meant to support and encourage nannies in their career, not separate us because of our religious views. However this camp had such an impact in my life that I can not talk about my summer without talking about that week. 

All the Agency Rage

  In early June when Ex-MomBoss and I had that final conversation, where she told me she decided to stay home with the boys, I didn't know a lot of what the future would hold.

The one thing that I did know was that I was going to use a Nanny Agency. 

In some ways I have been in the nanny field for many years. In other ways I am a newcomer to the dynamics that come with being a professional nanny. Every family that I have ever worked for has been either for a family that I had an acquaintance with or had a mutual friend that recommended the job. So going cold turkey and looking for a job with a family that I didn't know and didn't know me - it is something that I wanted to take to the professionals. 

That is where the agency comes in. 

They are the professionals. 

So what is a Nanny Agency?

An agency is a business that connects families looking for a nanny with nannies looking for a family. 

It can be a company as small as a one person team or a large company with dozen people on the team. The primary function of an agency is to connect a family and nanny together. A great agency will try to find a perfect match for nanny and family.

How Does it Work?

Knowing that I wanted to work with an agency I started the process of looking. Basic questions of how do I find an agency, which agency should I work with, and do I have to pay to work with an agency all ran through my mind. With a quick Google search the answers were pretty simple to find.

My first step was to go local – I looked into all the agencies in the Seattle area.

I looked at reviews from both families and nannies for each agency and the picked 4 that seemed like they would be a good fit and professional.

Each (Seattle) agency had an online application that needed to be filled out. Based on that online application the agency then got in touch with me (if I met their qualifications). Most of the qualifications were basic: 2 years as nanny, CPR/First aid certified, and a decent driving record.

From there it is a waiting game. As a general rule of thumb even if you fill out an online application always follow up with, at the very least, an email with an attached cover letter and resume. I filled out 4 online applications from Agencies A, B, C, & D. Sent 2 follow up emails on the ones that I wanted to work with most and let the waiting game begin.

************

What Happens Next (For Me Anyways)
The rest of this is my experience, not necessarily the norm for the process.

After emailing Agencies A & B I asked a fellow nanny and friend to email Agency B (she worked with them to get her current NannyFamily) - to get my name circulating. Within 4 days I heard from both of these agencies and had about a 15 minute "get to know you" phone conversation, both ending with setting up a time to come in and meet the person in charge of matching nanny/family. Sometime before the interview I needed to fill out part 2 of the application which each agency emailed me.

A week later I heard from Agency C but declined an interview and never heard from Agency D.

Application Part 2
 Each online application had the same basic questions asking for the Nanny's personal information, work experience, desired job details, salary, and several 'get to know the nanny' questions.

The 2nd part of the applications was more in-depth for both of the agencies I applied with.

Agency A's application went a little deeper than their online application, asking basic disciplinary style, describing different scenarios, and more about what the nanny wants in their potential nanny family.

Agency B had a deeper 2nd application in fact it had 4 parts to it. It asked 2 pages worth of get to know the nanny and parenting style type questions. It also included 2 different quizzes relating to parenting styles and personality - which both nanny and family takes.

Once this part of the application was completed it needed to be emailed back to the agency before the interview, including any references and recommendation letters.

In Person Interview
The day of my interviews arrived. I set them both up for the same day since I had to take a PTO day for them. Being nervous and an over planner I arrived 30 minutes early to the first interview, found a little cafe across the street and then headed over about 15 minutes before my interview slot time. I brought my cover letter, resume, application, references, and recommendation letters with me to both interviews. It was a little over kill, if I do another interview I will bring only the resume, references, and recommendation letters.

Agency A was my first interview - I walked into a well decorated office - greeted by a friendly receptionist and brought back to a meeting room. The lady I was to meet with was still with someone while I waited they asked me to fill out more paper work. About 5 minutes after my appointment time the interviewer came in - very friendly apologizing for running a little late. We sat down chatted some about what was on my application, my experience, what I was looking for, and when I was looking to start. I mentioned wanting to start work on August 10th due to a mini sabbatical I was taking.

After finishing the interview she asked me to touch base when I got back in town because they couldn't do any further interviews until I was in person. My hopes of finding a job by August 10th was not going to happen with this agency (since I was getting in town a few days before that date). They were not open to doing phone or Skype interviews with potential families for me.

With an hour to kill between interviews I headed over to where Agency B was, scoped out the place and then found another cafe to have breakfast at. I headed over about 10 minutes before the interview was greeted by the lady who was interviewing me - we sat down at her desk. She apologized for not having a chance to fully read over my application and we worked I way through it together. This interview had much more a professional vibe to it. I was able to ask more questions I had about taxes & pay, scheduling, what the going salary is for one of their nannies, and other business questions I had. The interviewer was very knowledgeable and made me feel very comfortable asking her questions.

At the end of the interview she gave me a small check list of things I needed to obtain before an interview could happen (driving record, CPR/first aid certs, etc). She informed me they would start matching me up with families and encouraged me that they would be able to find a match by August 10th. Phone and Skype interviews were encouraged. I left feeling excited about this agency, what they could offer me, and the prospect of finding a family that would be a great fit.

*************

When all was said and done, I knew that using an agency was the right choice for me. Why?
Besides the simple fact of that it was easier to go through an agency than try to find jobs on my own, they are my advocate. A good agency understands the value of a good nanny. They fight for their nannies rights and professional treatment of their nannies. They know the going rate for each city, including variables that come with a job: number of kids, area, hours worked, etc. They encourage and educate families to treat a nanny as the employee they are; with respect, dignity, including benefits that most jobs offer.

A good agency does their research and in the process helps us as nannies to get the best possible job out there. If you are between jobs or not happy with your current one I would encourage you to take the few hours it will require - research the agencies within your area and see what can happen. Most likely it will mean higher pay with better benefits. If you don't feel you can be your own advocate let then an agency just might be what you need.



Editor's Note: I wrote this solely based on my experience. I haven't found many articles on the agency process, with that in mind I wanted to write something that might help nannies that are new to the experience - like I was. I am not advocating any one agency and realize their are some not great agencies to work with. It is your responsibility as a nanny to weed out that all out.

ceconner© 8.7.2015

Changes be Coming 'Round the Corner

Today is a bitter-sweet day.

Today starts the last week that I will be a full-time Nanny for Bear and Bug.

In some ways I can hardly believe that I have been with them for just about 2 years. Wasn't it yesterday that I was walking off the plane to come meet the family? Time has flown with these little men. I can hardly believe that it is coming to an end. 

"How lucky I am to have something so hard to say good-bye"

 - Winnie the Pooh

This job, with these boys, with their parents has been one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. Being a part of their first 3 years of life, teaching them, loving them, watching them grow - it has all been so incredibly overwhelming.Knowing that in some small way Bear and Bug will always have a little bit of me in them and that I will have a little bit of them in me is a priceless feeling. 

Being a Nanny has also been one of the hardest jobs that I have ever said yes to. There were days it was physically tiring, others it was mentally numbing, but mostly it has been emotionally draining. A really good, crazy hard, made me stronger kind of draining. It pushed me to my limits of patience and understanding. In the moments that my emotions wanted to take over one of their sweet smiles would melt my heart letting me know that there is little value at getting angry at the small things in life.

Wrangling two very active toddlers has been a massive life lesson in patience. Teaching them how to have conflict resolution has helped me in learning what battles in life to pick. Most of all their love has taught me how free and unattached my love for others should be. Bear so freely forgives me by climbing in my lap with a pile of books to read after a mini battle. Bug openly loves with his kisses and hugs no matter how many times I have scolded him for putting rocks in his mouth. 

These boys and this job has taught me so many wonderful life lessons. 
But...
The time has come for a different family to teach me new life lessons.

The Details:

For those of you that want to know the details here they are.

A few months back I started wondering if my time with the boys was coming to an end. When I signed up for this job they were infants, little-bitties. Now they are not so little. Bear refuses to be called anything but a big boy while Bug is physically just as big as his older brother. Around the time I started questioning my role as their nanny their Mom started expressing her desire to stay home her next contract year.

Over a few months we had several small conversations about a few of our thoughts but nothing seemed to really be taking shape. Until one night we ended having a great conversation about how both us were feeling - she really wanted to stay home with the boys and I really wanted to find a new job with at least one baby.

At the beginning of June details come together for MomBoss to stay home full-time with her boys and for me to start looking for a job. I started filling out applications with local Seattle nanny agencies. My NannyFamily has offered me the option to keep living with them, which I am really grateful for. I am currently in the middle of the interview process with a highly recommended agency, hoping to end up in a new NannyFamily with a baby.

This is a really exciting time for both me and MomBoss. Two things are making this transition extra easy 1) We are ending this season of life together on the same page, we are both happy with the coming transition. 2) Even though I have to say good-bye to doing everyday life with the boys I don't have to say good-bye to them.

What's Next?
 I don't 100% know.

The whole world is open to me - I have no clue if I will end being a nanny for 1 baby or 4 kids.
But when I know you will know.

I plan on blogging my journey over the next few weeks.
So stay tuned in if you want to see where this next season of life takes me. It is an exciting new chapter for me, working with an agency and hopefully a family that I haven't met yet, taking a newborn care specialist training, and taking the next step in my nanny career.
Good things are to come.

ceconner© 6.22.2015

One Habit at a Time

"I couldn't succeed at a lifestyle change when I kept living the same life. And that is what I needed, a life style change."

You should know that I am sitting here finishing up the finale of my first two posts: My VERY PERSONAL Reason for Becoming a Full-Time Nanny and The Power to Say No while munching on a bag of potato chips.

Learning to Change. 

Before moving out to Seattle with my NannyFamily I only knew a few things about them. They were actively involved in the West African Drum and Dance community, MomBoss was a teacher, DadBoss did something with production (whatever that means), they ate mostly organic, DadBoss was (is) a vegetarian and he was (is) a really good cook. 

With this knowledge, along with some actual details about the job, I decided to make a career change. This career change was leading me to a total life-style change; some of the changes that I was aware of and some that I wasn't. Changes like getting to enjoy sunny days outside, walks on the beach, cuddle times with Bear and  Bug, exploring a new part of the country, weekends by the water, and days learning to hike. 

The change I looked forward to most of all was the one that I kept secret longest; a change in my eating.

15lbs Later. 
 
I had been in Seattle less than 5 full months before I decided to step on the scale for the first time. I was pleasantly surprised. The scale was reading numbers 15lb less than the last time it was stepped on. The crazy thing was that I wasn't do anything special or extra to try and loose weight. I was just eating normal foods; like a healthy person. 

I had stopped eating fast food every day, but still occasionally grabbed it on the go. I wasn't downing soda's and eating handfuls of chocolate everyday. Yet I still enjoyed a cold soda and bites of chocolate. I wasn't working out everyday or even a few times a week, but I was trying to take walks on the beach and become more active. I ate a lot of more whole foods and less processed foods. I still enjoyed cake but it was now from scratch not boxed. That was the standard for my Nanny Family, most anything was permissible to eat as long are there was no MSG and it was made from scratch.

Sadly it wasn't until I moved out here that I realized how unhealthy and not good my old life style habits were. They had become normal and kind of common ground, habits that led to complacency in my health. My normal habits in that small town had become so not normal for my body, I didn't know how starved my body was for healthy foods and habits.

Other Things Changed Too.

Besides just over all feeling better the two biggest changes I noticed were the massive decrease in headaches and the sudden regularity of my cycle. Headaches went from at least once a week to maybe once a month. Personally I think the reason these two things happened so quickly was first my drastic decrease in how much meat I ate (I went from eating it 1/2x a day to 1/2x a week). Secondly was that the meat that we did eat in the house was organic.

Energy started to seep back into my bones. Waking up in the morning, although still my least favorite part of the day, it was no longer a fight to put my feet on the ground. I no longer felt completely exhausted at the end of everyday with only the ability to soak in Netflix. Yes 3 O'clock was still my nasty tired hour but I now usually rebounded back from it. 

All of this just because of changing the foods that my body processed. 

Stalled Out.

After those initial 5 months not much else changed for about a year and a half. I had seasons of loosing and then gaining 5 pounds but overall I hit a plateau. During this time I watched my MomBoss faithfully work out almost everyday. I stopped eating fast food (ok I did slip up and grab some breakfast home fries last month) and I observed my NannyFamily's eating habits.  

One thing I have learned to appreciate is the normalcy of their eating habits. It is just natural for them to eat healthy 90% of the time - and by healthy I don't mean only nuts and fruit and veggies. Yes the house is stocked full of a variety of nuts that I still can't name but it is more than that. It is making pasta for dinner with homemade noodles bought at the farmer's market, with sauce that is made in our kitchen, and a salad stocked full of veggies. So when thick slices of bread covered in garlic and cheese are placed on the table no one makes a big deal out of eating a piece or two or three. 90% of the meal is healthy and nutritious so the 10% that isn't doesn't matter.

This is opposite from what I have been doing my whole life. Instead of making a big deal about the unhealthy dessert at the table and counting calories they have created a healthy lifestyle where the occasional fatty delicious dessert doesn't matter. When pizza is ordered in once every few months no one has to go run a couple extra miles the next day to sweat off the greasy pie. It hit me so hard, when most of your life is healthy the small amount of unhealthy really doesn't matter. When your life is unhealthy - the smallest choices matter. 

The other component I have been observing is the priority and emphases on the foods nutritional value not their calorie intake. Healthy eating around here is about how the food is helping your body not about the fat content that you are indulging in. 

The Final Piece.

Okay so what does this all have to do with my body image problem? Well...

...learning what true health is changed how I view my body. Healthy is not a pants size or number on a scale. I know that seems elementary but really let that sink in. Healthy is NOT determined by the size pants your wear and it is for sure NOT the numbers glaring back at you on a scale. 

My goal is no longer to become a size 6 or lose 20 more pounds. My goal is now to create a healthy life style that is maintainable. I want to be able to enjoy the finer foods (and things) in life. I don't want to worry what a stopping by the ice cream shop is going to do to my waste line and my self image. I want to be able to say yes to the 10% of "bad" food that comes my way because I am saying yes to the great food 90% the rest of the time. I want to be like the sweet 60 year old ladies I saw climbing a mountain a few weeks ago.

The only way that I am going to be like those ladies is to create those habits now. The biggest and hardest habit for me to create and keep is working out regularly - so I made it my goal. In April I posted on Facebook that I wanted to have 30 dates with my treadmill. Surprisingly a lot of people discouraged me, mainly because it was an unrealistic expectation. By the end of April I totally didn't reach my goal of 30 dates - I did however reach my real goal of creating a habit of heading out the treadmill on a regular basis. My expectation was never to hit the treadmill every single day but to be hitting it enough to create a healthy habit. May came and went; the treadmill and I became even better friends. It is now mid-June, last week I didn't step out for a run once, and my body noticed. 

My body felt that I hadn't hit the treadmill in a week and that made me really happy - not because I need to run everyday - but because it is showed me that my body is creating a healthy maintainable habit. I know I will never run everyday, that weeks will go by with out working out and that is okay. 

One Habit at a Time.

Redefining health as giving my body nutrients that it needs not the size of my thighs awakened in me a desire to create a healthy life and body.

Once my working out becomes a sustainable habit I can start on the next one - slightly healthier meals. Even without creating a second habit I am finally happy with my body. Granted I still have days I scowl at my stretch marked thighs or try to cover my muffin top but you know what? I no longer hate my body. I actually really like it. Without my thighs I wouldn't be able to climb these crazy Washington mountains, without a little extra around my mid section Bear's bouncing on me would hurt a whole lot more, and what would Bug pinch if I didn't have all that extra arm flab? Honestly having the boys poke and prod my body has helped me in appreciate it. Every time Bug pulls up my shirt to point out my "bee bo" (belly button) or Bear runs up laughing as he smacks or rubs his head on my booty I am reminded that my body is nothing more than skin and bones.

The reason I like my body has nothing at all to do with my current body shape either. As far as I know in the last 2 months I have maybe shed one pound. However in the last few months I have finally redefined what healthy is in my mind and this new definition has left me content, even happy. Content that we are all created in different shapes, sizes, colors, tones, heights, and builds. We, as a human race, have different tendencies and habits. We all need to learn how to be healthy and take care of the one and only body that we have on this earth. 
 
So if you are struggling with your body, if you are wishing you were 5 sizes smaller or 2 sizes bigger please remember your body is made to be different. It is yours to take care of and love. No matter your size, weight, or build - work to be healthy. Start out by creating one sustainable habit, get it down solid, and then start the next. Your body is beautiful. It is meant to bring you joy and keep you active. Your body is not here to keep you captive and immobile. 

ceconner© 6.18.2015

 

The Power to Say No

"Genuine surprise started to over come me. I was skinny. Like healthy skinny. My arms weren't that big at all and my stomach actually was thin, it didn't hang over my pants at all...so where did this self loathing come from?"

It has been over 10 years since this whole process began and I still can't answer why I struggle with this body image problem. And I am okay with that. To me the 'not knowing why' is not nearly as important as the 'what am I going to do about it'? 

But let me not get ahead of myself. 

There is more to the personal reason for me moving to Washington...

The Next Part.

...After the mental realization that I was actually in decent shape and shouldn't beat myself up about my body image I enjoyed about 2 years of freedom from stress and worry. I worked out regularly, ate relatively healthy, and stayed active. Then I went through a really hard break-up (a story for a different place and time) and moved to take a new job in a small town. A beautiful country town set at the bottom of the Finger Lakes with some of the most glorious autumns I have ever experienced. The people were great and my new job was wonderful. But the break up left me depressed.

This move to the small town was one of the best and hardest things to ever happen to my life. My time there was basically like pulling back all my layers of thick skin and getting to some root issues in my life. One of the issues that quickly came to light was my "stressing eating" habit. Since this beautiful small town had one big flaw - there are literally more fast food places to eat than restaurants - the light on my bad habit flooded down very brightly. It was easier/cheaper to get some chicken nuggets & fries than it was a salad and veggies. 

Excuses and Reasons.

 

I had to drive past at least 3 fast food places on my way home from work, every day. My excuses for why I stopped by frequently to fast food varied from "i hate cooking for one", "it's been a long day/week I deserve it" "I can't afford much else" "it's fast" and the list goes on and on. The problem was that they were all excuses; excuses that I was completely happy pretending were valid. 

Mix these excuses with legitimate reasons for having a hard time eating healthy (being on the road often, working dinner concerts with the most incredible food, and always being at parties with friends that were focused on good people with good food) and my body image issues came tumbling back. My image issues came back in a totally different form this time - I no longer silently compared myself to women around me. Now I was complacently accepting that I was heading towards becoming overweight. I easily got annoyed at people doing the latest food craze or diet. I unashamedly ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. 

At first glance this didn't seem like a body image issue but an eating issue. So I had to start looking at why I was eating so much, so poorly. I would be lying if I denied that part of it was just honestly the environment around me. It is was genuinely hard to create healthy eating habits there. It was not convenient to eat good foods often and work out regularly. The other part was I stopped caring about my body. I was so unhappy with my arms, legs, stomach, and now calves that I went into denial about how bad I was letting things get. The "if I can't beat them join them" mentality clicked in. It was easier to embrace eating whatever I wanted and being overweight than admitting how much I disliked my body and working really hard to get it into a shape I didn't think was still good enough.  

First week in small town life
Photo Credit to Family Life

30 Pounds Later.

With the first year in this small town I gained 15lbs; when I left small town life I had gained at least 30lbs. 

THIRTY POUNDS!!

 In 4 short years. 

30 lbs later - making my way to WA

 In those 4 years I had great friends who said wonderful things like "But you hide it so well" and "you have a face that looks cuter with some extra pounds on it". I love these ladies in my life so much, especially since most of them were struggling to maintain a healthy lifestyle too. We all were stuck in the same rut of trying to be healthy in what is honestly a very unhealthy town.  

I am about to admit something I am utterly ashamed of (and pretty disgusted with now): the months leading up to me taking a new job and moving away I was eating fast food everyday, or at least 5 times a week. Something in me had broken. Because I couldn't figure out how to embrace my body I knowingly embraced the "well if I think I am fat I may as well eat how I want" mentality. Now before you think (or think I thought) that I was unhealthy overweight - I wasn't. However I was not a healthy weight either.

How Did I Feel, You Ask?

I felt like crap. Literally. It wasn't until I moved to Washington that I realized how bad I really felt. I rarely had an energy, I felt bloated and gross most of the time. I felt like I could never get enough sleep while never wanting to go to sleep. Headaches/Migraines occurred at a frequency where I never left the house without a bottle of Excedrin (I should have been their spokes person with how I endorsed it). And to put it out there for you ladies, my monthly cycle was at best bi-monthly at worst semi-annually. 

Physically my body was probably in shock.  How could it not be. I went from working out almost everyday and eating fairly healthy to maybe working out once a week (or month) and eating food with absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever. 

"I Can Say No".

About a year before I moved away from small town life a co-worker of mine started a pretty intense food plan (I forget what it is called). She had a life-coach, bought her meals monthly, cut out several food groups, started exercising regularly, and said no a lot. I MEAN A LOT! I worked at a place where we loved to celebrate. Weekly there were cookies, cupcakes, cakes, or left over desserts that were shared with the whole staff. So pretty much every week, sometimes daily, I heard her say "No Thank You". 

The defining moment for me was when a few of us gathered in the mail room sampling chocolates a donor brought in. I remember clear as day this co-worker taking a bite of chocolate, promptly walking over to the garbage can and spitting it out. I looked at her with disbelief. What did she just do. "If it isn't the best chocolate I have ever tasted I am not going to waste calories on it".  WOW.

The freedom to just say no impacted me so powerfully. For years I lived under this, I should say yes because it is there in front of me, I don't want to waste it mentality. In one quick second my whole way of thinking was changed. I didn't have to be controlled by my body's cravings, by my lack of will power, by my failure to see my body as something to be cared for.

But I Didn't Have the Power.

Sadly though, I didn't have the power to say no like that co-worker did (who lost and kept off over 50lbs). I would try and succeed. I would try and fail. My victories happened more when people were around. My failures were when no one was watching. It would take something big to get the change rolling. I couldn't succeed at a lifestyle change when I kept living the same life. And that is what I needed, a life style change. 

The Facebook Message.

When my I got the message offering me a chance to see a new part of the States, experience big city life, hang out with 2 little boys all day I wanted to say yes. When I learned of my NannyFamily's eating and lifestyle habits I needed to say yes. 

The last 2 years in Washington have drastically impacted my life, I am excited to share that part with you. Thank you for reading the first 2 parts that needed to be shared first. Look back later this weekend for the conclusion of what really changed.

ceconner© 6.12.2015