What is it Like being the Nanny?

To me it is normal and natural. It’s just life. But in the last month I have been asked several times in a variety of ways what Nanny life is like. The most recent time was on my trip home from NY at the airport. I was buying a pack of gum and got into a conversation about all the flight delays with the lady at the register. We ended up talking for a while as she learned that I was a Nanny and had several questions. Her co-worker and she genuinely seemed intrigued so I answered them more in-depth then I normally do in such conversations. As I walked away from the conversation I heard the cashier say how interesting of an occupation I had. 

Being a nanny interesting, huh? In the year I have been doing this full-time and all the years part-time I would have never qualified what I do as interesting. Then on the long flight home I got to thinking, from an on-lookers perspective the fact that any capable, self-sufficient person would choose to help raise someone else’s child has to be a bit interesting. To me it is normal life, to someone else it is the most bazaar thing ever- that I would actively choose to deal with dirty diapers, crying toddlers, and messy meals all day. 

Yes I do it everyday and people want to know why. Every family is different so every nanny situation is different so I am only going to answer for my own experience. Here as some of the questions I have come across to help enlighten the curious readers?

How many hours do I work? Personally on average 40 hours. Monday – Friday with an occasional weekend or night thrown in there. Many nannies work for multiple families averaging 60 hours+

Do I live with my Nanny-Family (NF)? Yes I do, I am called a live-in in the nanny world.

Do I have my own room? No they make me share the laundry room with the dog ;-) Yes I have my own room and own space. Most live-in's have their own room, on a VERY RARE occasion is a nanny asked to share a room with their charge. 

What's a charge? It's nanny lingo for the kid (or kids) that a nanny takes care of.

Are you on call 24/7 or have down time? I have down time, when I am off-the-clock I can check out as I wish. Out of respect I generally let my NF know where I am going and when I will be back but as long as it’s not illegal or harmful to my job or their family it is my time.

When you are home, off the clock, are you expected to work? Similar to the above question, when I am done for the day my NF is great at that being my time. Not every NF is this way. I often feel like I am a roommate then a nanny when the work day is over. Occasionally I will be asked to make a bottle, feed Bug, or watch Bear when he is outside. But this is because I have told them I am okay with this, it is not every day (nor every week), and I totally feel like I could say no and it be okay.

Do you have to clean or do laundry? I don’t have to really but I do. When I sat down with my NF the first week here we went over the job and naturally anything related to the boys I am asked to do: their laundry, emptying diaper pails, their dishes, and swiffering every few days to clean the dog hair (kids play on the floor). This is minor and totally part of the job. As I am building a nanny-community I have heard horror stories of NF wanting the whole families laundry done, hard cleaning like windows, moping, and dusting to be done. This is not the case at our house. 

Do you love the boys? Ummm…YES. I couldn’t do what I do everyday if I didn’t. That does not mean I love every minute and that I love the dirty work that comes with the job.

How long will you be there? I have NO clue. My first “contract” (yes most nannies sign a real contract) was for the end of June 2014. In January I signed up for another year. I might fulfill this year and leave or I might stay on another 5 years. In this field there generally is no cut and dry time frame. The end just happens. The kids or parents no longer need you, family dynamics start to become unhealthy, or one or both parties just knows it is time to move on. 

Won’t it be hard to leave? Heck Yes but I can’t think about that part until it happens.

What do you do all day? Depends on the day. We have a pretty good routine - mornings while Bug sleeps Bear and I find activities like Play-Doh, coloring, painting, or baking.  We try to get outside everyday  we can. Once or twice a week we take a special outing (check out Friday Field-Trips). While the boys nap in the afternoon, I do laundry, clean up a little, work on my blog, watch TV, read a book in the sun, or catch up with a friend or family member.

And my favorite...How do you do it?  I just do. I never know how to truly answer this question. How does a mom of 5 do it, how does a school teacher do it, or a firefighter. or police officer, or military personal…they just do. To some it is bazaar that I would choose to pick a career where I am “stuck” with two kids all day, but I feel that way about someone who chooses to be “stuck” in front math equations and scientific evidence all day. We all have our talents and passions. Yours may be with numbers while mine is with kids. Mentally my job is not stimulating, I have days where I long for adult conversation, and wish that the diapers would stop coming but every job has it's bad points. To me getting up every morning knowing that I get to spend the day playing with Bear and Bug and that I get to make an impact in these sweet boys lives is the best motivation on how I do my job.

ceconner©7.7.2014

Frustrating Nap Cycle

Last weekend I had the chance to spend time at my brother’s home. He has a wife and 3 little boys and for the first time I met his youngest. Little L – born in the last 6 months. I live on the opposite side of the country from my family and when I was back at Christmas didn’t get to visit my brother. 

This trip made some great memories with the whole family. Ones that I will cherish for a life time. It also brought back memories on a time not so long ago: Bug’s 3-6 month mark. The months of the “Frustrating Nap Cycle” (FNC). If you have ever raised a baby you will most likely know what I am talking about, the months where it can often take more time to sooth and lay a baby to sleep then the actual length of their nap-time (slight exaggeration but in the moments it doesn’t feel like it). Bug and Little L are GREAT sleepers and overall good babies. But this Frustrating Nap Cycle leaves no baby (nor care-taker) un-turned in its wrath. 

Saturday morning Little L stayed with me as his Momma took the older 2 boys out. I rocked and sang him to sleep and after he hit his sleep spot (that spot when they can be laid down in the crib without waking up) I laid him down. It took about 20 minutes to soothe and rock him to bed ½ of that time he spent crying and fighting it. 

Later for his afternoon nap Little L decided that the FNC needed to be fully in-place. I rocked him, laid him down, he woke up, soothed him some more, laid him down, he was quiet for a while then woke up 20 minutes later screaming again.  I was now fully reminded of the struggles through Bug’s FNC months ago. Struggles that I can honestly say we are past and gladly don’t have to repeat.

There were days with Bug that I would just hold him for his whole nap time because I knew he needed the sleep so badly. That is the hardest part of the FNC – knowing how badly the baby needs their rest while they fight it with every ounce of strength that they have. Some days I wanted to hold Bug so close that he would just fall asleep, others I wanted to leave him in his crib until he passed out of exhaustion from crying so much.

My frustration back then was the lack of nap time consistency; it used to aggravate and drain me. I like schedules and plans. The ability to know when Bug will fall asleep and how long he will sleep for is something I love. Now days we are able to pretty much predict when he will fall asleep and for about how long he will sleep for. Back then NOT so much. I would plan an outing for after his nap time and he would end up sleeping for an extra hour. Then there would be days where he would fight his afternoon nap so much it never happened.

Thankfully I didn’t have to endure this alone. That is one of the many joys of Nanning for family members, we get to walk this journey together. I was able to share this struggle with Mom-Boss and Dad-Boss, they experienced similar things on the weekends so they got it. We could talk and process this together and set up a game plan on how to handle his naps.

Let me encourage you, whether your baby is 3 weeks, 3 months, or 3 years you will get through it. You will have days where you are not sure you can handle another hour of crying. You will have days that you desperately need to take a nap with baby falling asleep across you on the couch. You will have moments you feel like crying yourself because you feel so bad the baby can’t fall asleep. And you will have the victories of normal nap times. Nap times you celebrate and relish because for now, for this time they are far and few between. In all of it, know you are not alone! You have a support and community right here experiencing the same things with you!

The FNC will end soon my fellow Nanny.

Stay strong and compassionate to the wee little bundle that loves and needs you

ceconner©6.21.2014

               

Keep It Professional

Being on Twitter has recently become a favorite activity. Not because I am bored and needing to fill time, but because of the nanny community that I have begun to develop on there. If you are not a nanny it is hard to understand the struggles and pleasures of everyday life helping raise someone else's kids. Interacting with others who understand and encourage each other in it is refreshing. 

 

This interesting situation of being paid to (help) raise someone else's child is kind of unnatural and surreal for many people. Most full-time nannies spend anywhere from 35-60 hours a week with their chargers. In any situation where you are spending that quantity of time with another human being relationship and attachment is bound to form in one or both parties. Add the innocence and unconditional love that most children have and you have created a situation where attachment and love is guaranteed.

In the "Nanny World" there are several different types of levels of nanny. By level I mean amount of time spent with the children, requirements of the nanny, expectation of care, and open availability. The most demanding level would be someone who has a job much like Annie from Nanny Diaries. She is a live-in Nanny and expected to be on call 24/7 or anytime MB or DB requests - vacations and time off are hard to get.  The least demanding (for lack of better word) would be a part time nanny who works anywhere from 2-5 days a week doing basic child care while MB/DB work or run errands for those few hours. With every situation in between those two extremes I am always curious at what different nannies and agencies consider professional.

After a rather fun and long weekend with Bear and Bug I was exhausted yesterday before the work day even began. As I laid in bed before my day started I was thinking of two precious moments of cuddle time, one with each boy. With this heavy on my heart I posted:

"When you love someone else's child so much it hurts" #SignItIsGoingToBeHardToLeave                                               

Now I am not planning on leaving anytime soon (I committed at least another year) but as Bear and I laid in bed cuddling Sunday morning and my heart literally hurt because I love him so much. That is when I knew I was in trouble! Big trouble!

A sweet Nanny who also watches a family member's child made a comment  "#alwaysstayproffesional which is hard to do". Oh how she speaks truth!! The question that quickly popped in my head why is getting attached to our charges unprofessional  in our industry? What is unprofessional with developing a loving relationship with the kids that I spend all day every day with?

As I began to do some research the answer became very clear to my. Insecurity. One simple, complex, ugly word.  Both in the MB and the Nanny. I think most moms worry that the Nanny will be more loved, more needed, and more cherished than her. The Nanny worries that they will be let go, not be able to leave, or give up who they are for the children they watch. 

Here is the deal though if I want to be the best Nanny I can and do what is best for the boys I need to love them. Despite all the attachment and worries that may happen. When I can love the boys it allows me to do what is best for them. 

When I first started watching Bear and Bug I often would ask myself "If these were my kids how would I respond/what would I do"? Almost a year later I rarely ask that question because on some level they are mine. They are not my children! That is important to remember, I am not the parent but I am their nanny. In the same way one would use the verbiage "my niece, my nephew, my students" nannies often use the verbiage "my boys, my girls, my kids". We fully realize and know they are not ours in the end we are not the ones who have responsibility of how they turn out as adult humans, their parents are.

Some would say that is unprofessional, in the same way they would say it is unprofessional for a doctor or lawyer to become emotionally invested in their clients. However I would argue that becoming emotionally attached actually allows a professional to do what is in the best interest of their client or charge. Especially When It Comes To Kids!

Children need to feel loved and supported by someone! Whether it is Mom, Dad, or Nanny - children innately need to feel that love. They need to know someone has their back, their best interest, and will always be a support.  It is that last one "always be a support" that makes everyone a little worried about letting the little ones capture your heart. Because as a Nanny 9 out of 10 times you wont always be there in the end. My thought is that leaving is a natural part of all life. Even with parents that stay home and raise their kiddos, there will come a point when Mom or Dad wont be around to help out.

So it will be the same with the Nanny. You may be there for a month, a year, or 10 years. No matter how long you are investing in your children give them all you have. When a teacher starts at a new school they don't give half of themselves to their students in fear that they will only be teaching for a year. They give their all, pouring long hours and mass amounts of energy into their students and work. As a Nanny it should be the same.

We need to keep our professional standards high and give our chargers our all. Pour all the love and energy you can into them. They need you. They need your support. You are not their Mom. You are not their Dad. You are their Nanny, their best friend, their support system when MB and DB are away. Don't hold back in fear of the heart ache that will follow when your time with them is done. You don't do it with your best friends, your parents, your siblings so why do it with your NK? At some point every relationship ends, separation is a part of life and apart of our jobs.

 Embrace it.

 Love it.

 Love your Nanny-Kids.

ceconner ©6.2.2014

The Frustrated Nanny

I am frustrated.

 

Not mad just frustrated.

 

Like throw my hands-up, walk away, bury myself in a good book and don't come out until Bear is 5 frustrated.

 

Not at him but at myself.

Can I let you in on a secret? A horrible secret? At times I really don't like toddlers.

I like babies, little kids, teenagers, and adults but toddlers scare me so much that I don't like them. I love Bear more than I thought would ever be possible and am so extremely blessed to spend my days with him. My heart bursts when he runs up and squeezes my leg with a "big hug". I melt when he wraps his little arms around my neck just to say "I love you".  Today I couldn't hold in my laughter when Bear grabbed my face and pulled me in for the biggest sloppiest kiss ever. I love him so stinking much.

Yet I really just don't like him at times. Like when he hides behind the bushes for 10 minutes refusing to come out. A bush that has a billion honey bees buzzing around it, the only bush I will NEVER go behind because of all the honey bees. I don't like him when for the 20th time in a minute he asks "what's that" and I truly have no response for him, because apparently every explanation I have given him wasn't enough. Oh the "NO NO NO...MINE MINE MINE". Ugh!! I really don't like him then.

Last night as I lay wide awake for the 3rd night in a row trying to process my emotions one question kept rolling around in circles. "Why don't I like toddlers? What nitty gritty deep down reason don't I like them for?" Then like pole that Bear threw at me yesterday it hit me: I like control and you can't control toddlers.

Yup, toddlers are uncontrollable. You can teach them, train them, tie them down, put a TV show on or shove treats in front of them all day but you still can't control them. Bear is living proof. In truth he is great kiddo. For the most part he is well behaved, he generally listens, sleeps well, and has a sweet disposition. Still he is totally uncontrollable; not in an out of control way. As I sat this morning again trying to coax him out from behind that bee infested bush I knew that I would never win that battle until he was good and ready to come out.

The other reason I don't like toddlers is I can't understand their why's. As soon as the big 2 hit I no longer was able to grasp fully what Bear was thinking. With Bug it is easy, when he cries it is because he is hungry, tired, poopy, or wants to held. When Bear whines it is because he is frustrated...but at what??? It could be something that happened two seconds ago or 2 days ago and he wants me to read his mind or understand his toddler talk (one in the same at this point). I just can't. This time I want to pull my hair out in frustration. Then I get even more frustrated because I am so frustrated. It is a viscous cycle that needs to end.

I finally realize, it is not toddlers that I don't like...it is me around toddlers that I don't like. I don't like who I become around these uncontrollable strong willed creative adventurous walking little humans. I don't like that I struggle to keep my cool around them, that I get frustrated so easily with stupid things (why do I really care if Bear is behind the Honey Bee Bush), and that my attitude needs constant readjusting around toddlers. As my MB and I talked this afternoon she said made a great point, a "duh" moment...Toddlers are not Robots. I know this, but it is a great reminder that they aren't going to do everything that we want them to do.

 

I am faced with the truth - a truth I hate to admit - I don't know toddlers that well. People tell me I am great with kids, one person said I was a "baby-whisperer", so shouldn't this include toddlers? Surprise Surprise - nope because toddlers are not yet kids and are no longer babies. They are little people. They are learning. Learning to explore, learning that they can make decisions, learning they have a voice and an opinion. Toddlers are growing and developing. Just as we need patience from others they need patience from us.

Tonight Bear's dad was calling him to put his shoes on, Bear was looking really hard for a drum. I almost told him to go listen to Daddy but waited to see what he would do. Bear took 5 more seconds, found his drum beat it a few times and then ran to his Daddy and put his shoes on.This scene was a great reminder that as toddlers develop they have a mind of their own. Bear just wanted to play a drum, he wasn't ignoring his Dad he just had his mind set on finishing what he started. How many times a day do I finish what I am doing before responding to Bear's asking for water or Bugs cry to get picked up. So isn't it just as natural that toddlers learn the same thing.

I have two choices laying in front of me: I can either stay in my frustration not understanding what a toddler needs believing the lie I don't like toddlers. Or I can do my homework, realize that just because I don't fully understand toddlers does not mean I don't like them. So with a new book downloaded on my kindle and open communication with other toddler caretakers I am ready. Ready to like these little tykes that I am beyond blessed with, ready to stop the frustration, and ready to admit I really do like toddlers.

ceconner ©5.28.2014

Bad Day Moment

This post is brought to because two friends who got my brain going. 

1 - A new friend was inquiring on nanny life and asked me "what does a bad day for a nanny look like"? He sincerely was asking and I appreciated the thoughtful question; a question that took me a few seconds to answer. Honestly compared to what I used to do - I don't think bad days exist in my job anymore. Not that my old job was bad or hard, it is just my perspective on what I do now: playing with kids all day, go to work in PJ's, soaking up the sun, and getting anywhere from 1 -2 hour break most days leads to mostly good days.

His question had me thinking most of today why don't I have bad days? Well that is a lie I do have bad days, days where one or both boys wont go down for a nap, a day where either of them are cranky or whiny - this week both have had the nastiest diapers ever. Yet overall I look back and think man I don't have bad days - because in the end the hardest part of my day is dealing with the struggles of a 2 year old, not the demands of an adult boss, company, guest, or client.

2 - A fellow blogger and friend who knew I was looking for some new post ideas saw my Facebook status and commented that this would make a great blog post, so here it goes!

This afternoon I had a few things on my self-inflicted to do list: empty the dish-washer, finish cleaning the dishes from last night and this morning, help with dinner prep by chopping tomatoes, cucumber, making quinoa, do a much needed cleaning of my bathroom, and start a load of laundry. A pretty lofty list, I know but the last two have been on my list since Monday.

Bug is now in a stage of crawling and getting into everything so I had the wonderfully brilliant (or so I thought) idea of getting a sensory item going. Bear loved the cornstarch/water mixture and it kept him entertained for over a 1/2 hour so why not give it a shot with Bug. Thinking that Bug looked the same age as the kid in the link (above) my brain said it would be a great way to keep him busy while I at least got the dishes done.

So I took a glass baking dish, basically a whole box of cornstarch, and apparently way too much water and mixed it up to what I thought was the right consistency. I set the dish down in the corner, plopped Bug in front of it and watched to a minute to see his reactions.

After a few seconds of hesitation he quickly dove in, started splashing like he does in the bathtub and all too soon I realized my mistake. Within 2 minutes bug had splashed most of the mixture onto the walls, floor, and cabinets. 30 seconds later he picked up the dish and poured the rest all over himself. There was no point in crying over the spilled milk, he was having too much fun in it.

After hosing Bug down in the shower and setting him up in the high chair with a few books (should have just started with that) I pulled out a mop to begin clean up (you can start laughing at me now). Just as quickly I realized another bad decision, so I grabbed an old towel cleaned most of the goopiness away and then got the mop again, figuring I would have to go over it at least twice. The third time I was beginning to doubt the residue would come off and thought that if it wasn't for the crazy cornstarch this floor would be the cleanest it has ever been.

Finally the 4th time I got a few rags, a floor cleaner and washed the floor old fashion style - on hands and knees. This did the trick, again wondering why I didn't just start there in the first place. But at last the dishes were put away, the boys were down for their naps, and meal prep wash finished.

So there you have it, my Bad Day Moment.

ceconner ©5.21.2014

A Facebook Message Changed My Life

It was a rare evening for me, sitting on the couch, surfing Facebook, watching Netflix, and a little blogging. A group Facebook chat popped up from my cousin, one who I hadn't talk to in years.  Not remembering the last time we talked, he and his wife lived across the country in rainy Seattle, the message interested me. The message was short asking a few friends/family members if anyone knew of someone that would be interested in becoming a live in nanny, committing to at least one year in Seattle.

You're going to Seattle.

Uh-What? Yeah right. I have NEVER thought about going to Seattle, I hate the rain.

I pushed all thoughts of Seattle aside. But they wouldn't stay on the sidelines.

You have always wanted to see the other side of the country.
You love kids, you love seeing new places, why wouldn't you go?
This is the change that you have been praying for.  

Bear and His Doggies

With these thoughts running through my head I responded to my cousin asking for more information. I mean what could a little more information hurt, right?

Right.

The more information I received the more I knew it was just a matter of time before I said yes.

In Less Than 1 Week Bear Captured My Heart!

After a few weeks of serious thinking I still wasn't sure if I should go. I LOVED my support system in NY; my friends, family, and co-workers.  With my mom's illness, my nieces growing up, and my closest friends living right by me; I couldn't really justify leaving. But something kept stirring in me.

Excitement about a new city, a new place, a new job wouldn't let me close the door. So I did what any girl in my shoes would do, I poured it all out to my mom. We had a long long talk but only one thing she said stuck with me

 "You have to live your life, don't let someone else dictate what you do".

Her words hit home, I couldn't let the fact that my parents would miss me, my nieces would grow up without me, and that my best-friends wouldn't be close by stop me from living my life. This sounds simplistic; almost like duh - why would you live your life based on others, but I needed someone to tell me it was okay. With almost no strings holding me down now really was the time to explore and travel. With that in mind I called my cousin up and told him "yes" I would come to Seattle.

I still had concerns, you see I tend to have a strong parental style for not being a parent. Being on the same page with a parent is a huge thing for me. Would our scheduling, discipline, and overall parenting styles match? For that matter, would we get along? Barely knowing my cousins and living on my own for the last several years left me wondering would I like living with people again.

They Had Me With Water!

They asked me to come out for a week to get to know Bear, help with a move, and get a taste for Seattle. I still remember getting off the airplane being a ball of nerves wondering what my cousin's wife (Lys) would be like, would we get along, would this work out well.

Within minutes of re-meeting Lys (we met once before about 14 years ago) I knew we would be good friends. By the time we reached the house it was very clear we I had nothing to worry about. As the week went on all doubts about how well we got a long, living with family, and child-care differences all vanished. One conversation sticks in my mind as we were taking Bear for a walk. She was describing their reasons for a sleep schedule and the whole time I just kept on saying uh-huh, yup, I agree. She told me the two books they use if I wanted to know their reasons why, my response was "I completely agree with all of it". That was the moment I knew, knew this would be better than either of us hoped.

My first look at Pikes Market

Now almost a year later I can say without a doubt - answering that one Facebook message, the message that took me on a road-trip across the country has forever changed my life; not only physically but down to the very core of who I am. Moving away from my comfort zone allowed me to finally become comfortable with who I am, pour into 2 little boys lives, and enjoy summer weather from outside a desk (hehe).

ceconner ©5.19.2014

Woodland Park Zoo

Ahh the Zoo.

 The Lions, Elephants, Penguins, Zebras, and other rare creatures that can only be found in the USA at a zoo.

 

 

My last memory of going to a zoo was as a teenager, visiting the Miami Zoo with my older cousins family. Two young child, sweltering heat, and humidity that could make any hair frizz. Who doesn't enjoy a trip to the local zoo with the kids on a sunny day?

Well Me, that is until this most recent trip that I took with Bear, Bug, and their mom. 

 

We decided to get up early last week, pack the boys up, skip morning nap time and head to the Woodland Park Zoo. It only seemed fitting since Bear had been asking to go for the past three days.

And for the first time since who knows when, I really enjoyed a trip to the zoo. 

We got there right when the zoo opened (Secret One), so it wasn't over crowded, each exhibit generally only had one or two other families at it. No pushing and shoving to get closer to the glass.

 

It happened to be feeding hour, and the wonderful zoo keepers like their visitors to experience meal time, by putting the food close to the glass.

We leisurely explored 1/4 of the zoo taking our time looking at the woodland animals, the monkeys, and feeding the birds. Then we headed out as rush hour was starting, 11am (Secret Two).

So Here is My 411 on Going to the Zoo:

• Get a Membership (Secret Three): they have several options which all pay themselves after roughly the 4th visit.

• Go Early: on a weekday especially to avoid crowds and school tours.

• Small Pieces: Don't feel like you have to do the whole zoo in one trip, take your time, exploring a section or two at a time.

• Rainy Day: Let the kids run around at the indoor ZooMazium and burn up that energy

• Go With a Plan: Check out the online map, get the kiddos excited for the animals they will see.

Those are my secrets and tips for the beautiful shaded Woodland Park Zoo. Let me know how your next visit goes!

ceconner ©5.9.2014